In your teens you think you know everything. In your twenties you are dead-set on figuring life out on your own terms. But in your thirties, you are finally emotionally intelligent enough to get shit right. Now, as I approach my mid thirties here are 15 things I've learned.
Wisdom From a 30 Something
By Casey Jagoras
1 - Spend the First 10-30 Minutes of the Day on Yourself
Wake up earlier then usual and spend that time alone, being quiet in your own space. Journal about what you are grateful for, write out your goals for the day and end it with some positive affirmations & visualizations.
When you start your day right, with some time to yourself to get in the right state of mind, you will no longer be living your day in a reactive state. You will be amazed at how much this little exercise will positively impact the rest of your day. Start with something simple like ten minutes and work up to thirty minutes or more. You won't regret it.
2 - Go to Bed Early
Trust me, your going to need it if you are going to wake up early to spend time with yourself. Plus, lets face it - we have more energy, feel more productive and act like less of an asshole when we get enough sleep. So practice some self care and set your bedtime to 10 pm.
3 - Life Happens For You, Not to You
Life is hard.. it can be incredibly challenging and down right depressing at times if you let the world happen to you rather than for you. Always trust that there is a bigger plan that you are not seeing yet.
Believe in fate, destiny, and God's plan above your own. Our life is not defined by our problems, our life is defined by the attitude we have towards overcoming our problems.
4 - It's Never too Late to be What You Might Have Been
George Eliot (also know as Mary Ann Evans) wrote "it's never too late to be what you might have been" and I truly believe that!
Not happy with your life? job? income? Change it! its your responsibility and no one else's. Change as much or as often as you need! - Who cares what other people think?! Its your life anyway. Most of the time there is no way to know if you'll like something until you try, so make as many mistakes as you need...Trust me, no ones counting. And most importantly IT'S NEVER TOO LATE to change.
5 - Take a Fucking Compliment
It's super annoying when you want to pay someone a compliment such as "you look so beautiful today" and it gets received with something like "oh I don't know, I feel frumpy". Then you have to spend an additional two minutes dishing out other compliments to convince them of the first one. Like, "no you don't! In fact have you lost weight? You really do look great!"
Can't we just cut the crap and say "Thank you" after a compliment? Or if you really don't agree, just do everyone a favor and say "well that's nice of you to say".
6 - The Quality of Your Life is Dependent on the Quality of Your Communication
The way that we speak to others greatly impacts the way that others feel about themselves the rest of the day, week or even years. More that that, the way that we talk to ourselves determines our confidence, self esteem and in-turn our happiness. Tony Robbins says the quality of our relationships (including the one we have with ourselves) determines the quality of our life. Sounds simple enough, but it's incredibly challenging to master.
If you notice you are going down a negative talk spiral, take a moment and force yourself to correct it. If you said 5 negative things about yourself, your life, or others try to come up with ten things you like about that topic. Do this every time you catch yourself being negative or hurtful.
7 - Make Exercise a TOP Priority
I know, I know, everyone says this. But do you do it? We know it's good for us but do we make time for it? Notice I said make time not find time. We all have the same amount of time in a day, but how we prioritize it, is the key.
We age better, are prone to less health problems, have more energy etc. when we stay active. That is all great, but what I have realized is that I really need the alone time with myself that working out provides.
Working out to me is: the admiration for nature I get when I go for a walk, the positive podcast earbud time I get when I go to the gym, the feeling of stretching and awaking my limbs when I do Pilates... Aging well and looking better is just a bonus.
8 - Confide in People Who are Doing it Better
When shit hits the fan, who do you call to vent to? Your best friend? Chances are those go to people we reach out to aren't the best to seek out first. These S.O.S calls typically turn in to a bitch-fest of complaining. These people usually agree the situation you are going through sucks and the other person is to blame .. blah blah. Well, although its nice to feel someone agrees with you or shares your frustration does it actually make you feel better? I have found that after a 10 minute phone call full of complaining, I get off the call feeling even more awful.
I have learned to seek out the masters in these situations. Wisdom form Ed Mylett, Tony Robbins or Les Brown is at your finger tips with amazing podcasts or YouTube videos. Start there. Filter out all the negativity and seek advice from those who are doing it better then you. Then, when you confide in those around you the conversation is less dejected and rather a discussion of this is what I am going through, and this is what I am going to do about it.
9 - Life is Not Fair
We've all said it, "but that’s not fair!"
No one cares. Life's not fair. It’s not meant to be. It’s meant to be hard.. it even says it in the Bible ya'll! But we all feel like it should be fair and everybody should be given an equal chance and a participation metal.
Life is meant to challenge you, to see what you are really made of. Often times that means being put through very unfair circumstances. Stop taking it personal, put your big kid panties on and move though it...Yes I said though it not over it, or around it. - Because the only way to get over it, is by going though it.
10 - You Get What You Focus On
If you’re going to focus on everything negative in life you’re very quickly going to establish a negative perception of your life and even the things that are good in it.
If you focus on what you’re capable of, the possibilities that life holds and the potential that you have to make it happen, you’re going to see a lot more opportunity in front of you. - And you will be more willing to take risks to make it happen, because you believe more in the possibility than the failure. You get what you focus on so focus on the good, the goal, the possibility.
11 - Its Impossible to Stay Married to the Same Person Forever
Let me explain by first saying I have been with the same man for 15 years, but that man is not the same man I married ten years ago. People change!
Those who have strong marriages know that they get to fall in love with that person over and over as they change and evolve. I got to fall in love with my hubby as a newly married man trying to start a life, then as an amazing father, then as an entrepreneur, etc. Each version of him was very different than the rest.
You can choose to support and grow with them, falling deeper in love with the new 2.0 version every few years or you can let the change put distance between you resulting in separation.. you choose.
Some people are afraid of marriage because they cant imagine being with the same person forever... Trust me, you will get far more variety with that one man than an entire lifetime of serial dating.
12 - Happiness is a Choice
It's that simple. Happiness comes within; it's not dependent on circumstances - it is as simple as choosing to find joy.. in everything.
"You can not be happy unless you believe you are; And if you do not think you are happy, you will not be so" says Gretchen Ruben , writer of The Happiness Project. She spent a year studying happiness and ultimately what she discovered is that the best way to be happy is to make others happy; and the best way to make others happy is to be happy yourself.
Happiness starts with a belief that you are happy. You have to choose it in your heart and then act that way. If your happiness is dependent on something happening like: I will be happy once I get this job promotion, or I will be happy once I make this much money you will never be happy for very long, and you will be searching for it in all the wrong places. Happiness starts within.
13 - Your Mom Really Does Know Everything
They created you and they have been on this earth a whole lot longer than you. As much as we may not want their advice at times... they are almost always right. Stop trying to reinvent the wheel. If you're in a jam just ask yourself "what would Mom do?"
14 - No One Person Can Make You Feel Fulfilled
Your partner will not make you feel fulfilled in every area of your life. That's way too much pressure for any one person. Our partners will definitely compliment, nurture and challenge us.. but we need different friendships, experiences, personal development and growth to find true fulfillment. Fulfillment is an inside job, and it it starts with you.
15 - The Key to Personal Success is Goal Setting
Goal setting is a way to dream, aspire and keep track of what your working towards or want out of life. Never underestimate the power of goal setting!
I do this every year and it's so satisfying to look back and see what I have accomplished without even knowing it sometimes! Its easy to forget all the things you have written on the list, but when you put pen to paper that message gets written on your heart as well.
Get a journal and write out your goals for this year on first few pages, then write your goals for the next five years and then the goals for your lifetime. These are personal and professional goals. I also like to do a Bucket List which includes travel destinations and unique experiences. This is especially fun to reflect back to every year or so to mark things you have completed off your list and to add new ones.
In 2013 I wrote in my Bucket List "I want to go to Paris on Valentines Day to celibate my birthday with my hubby". I had almost forgotten about this until I was referring back on all my Yearly Goals and Bucket Lists in February of 2019 (after getting back from Paris.. for my birthday!) When I read those words my heart fluttered! 6 years after writing this little day-dream thought, I got to scratch it off my list. - which gave me as many butterflies in my stomach as the trip itself... which was magical.
So put your goals and dreams to paper no matter how big or out of reach they may seem. And never stop dreaming, you owe yourself that much.
OXO
Renewing Our 10 Year Wedding Vows, on Valentines Day (My Birthday) in Paris 2019 xox